Saturday, May 23, 2009


I had a new patient write in a few days ago. This was one of the most detailed requests for treatment that I have received! Shiloh from the Bumpass Hounds had this problem:

"Dear Doctor Steve, I'm feeling down in the dumps. I think I need your help. Jubal says I need help. Homer J. says I need help. J.E.B. says I need help. Shelby Belle says I really need help. Jack says I'm a pyscho. Sophie says she thinks I might need help. Abby says I should probably seek professional counseling and get help. Radar hasn't met me yet so he has no opinion. All three cats say bad things about me behind my back, I know that they hate me cuz they never want to play tag with me. I'm about 2+1/2 feet tall at the shoulders, about 6+1/2 feet standing on my hind legs. I weigh about 165 lbs. I eat about 6 cups of kibble a day, 3 cups at breakfast and 3 at dinner. i eat about 6 mini-milkbones a day as bribes for going in my crate, going into the pen, etc. I'm definitely a food reward dog. I take one glucosamine and chondrotin tablet each morning with my kibble because I have OCD in my shoulder sockets because I grew to fast as a puppy. I was two years old this past April 24th. I just long to sit under my tree out in the pen that I share with my brother Max. He doesn't say i need help, he just always tells me to get a life. I really, really think that I could use some "puppy uppers" if you don't mind writing me a prescription for a gross of them. What is an "oaf?" What is a " big lummox?" Thanks Doctor Steve. I look forward to your professional evaluation of my condition and a good dose of "puppy uppers." - Shiloh"

Naturally I felt just terrible for poor Shiloh. I mean, look how sad she looks here. If that face doesn't say, "feed me some treats" I don't know what does!I'll admit, I had a bit of a hard time understanding how Shiloh could be sad. Did you see how much she gets to eat?!? I only get 1.75 cups of food per day, plus treats and my kong. That's like one bite for Shiloh! Then I realized that even with all that food, life can be rough if your family is telling you that you're crazy all the time. Now, I'm sure the Bumpass Mom and Dad are quite nice to poor Shiloh, but it sounds like her furry siblings need to make up for all the teasing they give her! So I have prescribed the following:As a side note, I'd like to tell Shiloh to give up on the cats. I'll admit that the Bumpass Cats seem a whole lot nicer than Wilbur, but they are still cats and can't be trusted.

Well, Shiloh, I hope that with this prescription, you'll be back to happy in no time, kind of like you are in this picture!
Woo at ya later,
Dr. Steve


NAK and The Residents of The Khottage Now With KhattleDog! said...


Oh Dr StevieMkhDreamie!

Woo did it again!


Princess Eva and Brice said...

that's a prescription that we all could use!

Princess Eva

Jack & Moo said...

Well Dr. Steve, woo have done it again... cut right to the "heart" of the matter by prescribing Happy Hearts, brilliant!

Shilho, woo could try the Summi & PHBBB approach & squish those darn cats!

Woos & a-roos,
Star & Jack a-roo

Ozzie the OZmonster & Zowie said...

Dr. Steve--great job! Shiloh--if that doesn't work, then you should come to my house. I need a furry friend! I CAN promise you lots and lots of Ozzie kisses and puppy zoomies. Just let me know!


The Army of Four said...

Umm... err... so... umm... I'm feeling a tad bit blue myself, Dr. Steve. How about writing me a 'script for some Happy Hearts?
Play bows,

♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥ said...

Wonderful diagnosis and prescription, Dr.Steve. We are sure Shiloh will be feeling great soon.

Woos, the OP Pack

Teddy Westlife said...

Poor Shiloh. I am positive your prescription will help, Dr Steve.

Huffle Mawson

Anonymous said...

Dear Dr. Steve (Hey Kat & Wilbur),
Thank you for the prescription. Happy Heart cookies are definitely "Puppy Uppers." I also have made great strides in getting the retrievers to like me better, well at least to respect me. They have stopped saying bad things about me. I showed them the presription and told each of them that the next time I suspected that they were dissing me I was gonna kick the crap outta them, bite there tails and sit on them. The prescription must've worked because they are all being nice to me now. I feel much better and I can only get better when dad gets me my Happy Heart Cookies. If they don't arrive soon I'll just have to have a "discussion" with him like I did with the retrievers.
- (Miss) Shiloh

Jans Funny Farm said...

What a great diagnosis and RX, Dr. Steve. We are sure Shi will be back up in no time. Provided her siblings cooperate. Brothers and sisters can be worse than cats at putting you down, you know. (We kitties have to get our claws in that misstatement. Look at what we have to put up with when there are woofies in the house!)